When Nothing Else Matters

Its really hard to explain,
this sort of pain.
But ill give it a go
,just to let you know.

It was empty and dark,
with no sign of light,
And all feeling of hope
was no where to be known.

It was lonely and silent,
no way to deny that,
without you in the world,
it no longer glowed.

I longed to hear your voice
and looked up at the sky,
and just kept on wondering,
when it would be my time.

I knew that you were gone,
but it still felt so wrong/

They told me you were dead,
and i was told all these lies.

You called me one day,
and I thanked God you were alive.

I now have you by my side,
and you always will be mine.

The Unborn

Its a sensitive subject for most,
Unspeakable to the rest.

No one ever admits to it,
And some crumble at the mention of it.

Some act like its a sport
and few feel theres no choice.

Many move on and dont give it a second thought,
And then there's the ones that carry it on their shoulders like boulders.

Some people will scold you for it,
Some tell you it was the rite thing to do.

Theres millons of unspoken excuses.
A constant battle of the brain telling you, you were rite rather then wrong.

Unspoken agony becomes a lifestyle.
Or it will be a casuality.

I dont know much about how other people feel,
Just the most accurate asumptions I can make,
Some pertain to me,
Cant say which,
Like I said its become so unspeakable, its not fair.

I honestly dont care anymore,
Think what you may
This life will never be forgotten

I love you, whoever you might have been.
You didnt get the chance to live, but you'll always live in my heart and soul.
Until my very last breath...

5-29-08

Best Friends Forever

They told me what I didn't want to hear,

The pain of it will never disappear,

The lesson was long due to be learned.

But no amount of years would have prepared me.

Time doesn't change anything,

People do.

Physical wounds heal in time

Do emotional one's work the same? 

I've had bones broken, 

Years of progressing depression

I'd have them borken again

And relive the years again

To get back that one year

Eighteen years I've lived so far

Eighteen years to get to where I am now

I had no chance to be a kid

But that year I did

Five people made that possible

And so son it was taken away

What I never thought was possible

Was torn apart

Slowly but surely 

I wouldn't accept it

But it's time

But if I had one wish

I wouldnt change anything of the past,

It made me stronger

I wouldnt wish for money

It comes and goes

I wouldnt wish for health

We all die

I wish we could call be together again

Even if it was just for one day

Just to feel like the old days

Id give anything to laugh the way I use to 

Anything to have fun the way I use to

Anything to feel reckless and stupid like I use to

Anything to feel like a kid again.

Anything for all of you.

<3

Lies

How does the mind work exactly?
Is it in the conscience that our thoughts lie?
Is it what we choose to think,
Can we lie to the point where we believe our own lies?
Does guilt make this action possible?
Or is it denial, shame?
How do you keep yourself in the know?
How do you keep yourself so confident with the truth,
When everyone else  believes a lie?
And your alone in the dark...
If the truth will set you free...then how long can you keep chained down...
Till you have to come back up for air?
What is the answer to this question...
Am I delusional?
Do I even make sense at all?
Or do all our thoughts run differently?
Am I the only one that has stayed awake at night thinking of these things...
So all in all, if you really need everyone around you to believe your lie..
does it mean lying to yourself, to make it more believable?
Throw out the truth and make it never to be found again?
I still wonder...
But am sure of my thoughts, for they are my own, and to myself they are safe.

Karma

What goes around comes around, is how the story goes.
Twice as bad, and twice as hard, is what I didnt know...

Sorrow doesnt care, and neither does your fate,
the truth of the sin, was something i just could not escape...

It came out of the blue, no warning or a clue,
Life decided, It should be no more, me and you.

My advice to all is think before you do,
cause no matter how sorry, it will come back to you.

Friends

They say 2's company and that 3 is a crowd
But we were 6...and we were proud...
We shared our thoughts,and we shared our tears,
and just years later,it all disappeared...

I remember summer mornings,
you guys were already there.
And the kiddy pool outside,
was for everyone to share,
I remember hearing wheels,
from skateboards up the ramp,
and late summer nights,
sharing ciggs out of our packs..
I remember Friday nights.when wed all go to the mall,
and wed walk in a pack,and must have still looked small.

we didn't mind the stares we got from everywhere,
all we knew was the bus,was leaving rite at ten.
I remember those long bus rides,now they seem so short.

I remember rainy says,when we wouldn't stay inside,
instead wed just run out,into those stormy skies...

I remember boys club pool,that we would just sneak in,
and even with Tye's broken bones,we made it over with grins.
They're wasn't a force in the world,that could possibly hold us down,
until the years starting passing,and I just sat there with a frown.
It started with the long fights,and heartbreaks came rite next,
and then came graduations,and it was all just a mess.

You guys are still there. And I see you from time to time
and no matter what time passes,you always will be mine...
Those memories are in my heart,until the day I die,
But I cannot stand the thought,that those times are far behind
So please keep me in your thoughts,as you always are in mine.
You guys are just the best,that's said without a doubt,
and i hope we share these memories...and more to talk about
So lets keep this plain and short,
and i love yous all inside and out!

To My Grandmother: Rose

I was sitting in a field,
with what people call weeds.
I pulled one from the ground,
and couldn't help but weep.

I pulled these for you,
in what seems not long ago.
And when I handed it over,
your face couldn't help but glow,

It wasn't just one time...
it happened quiet a few,
cause i wanted to show you,
how much i loved you...
I tried to do my best,
to make you very proud,
so you could look down on me,
with much less then a frown.


I use to look for roses,since it was your name...
but when someone was looking,
I ran away with shame...
I saw you as the big tree,
that use to bring me shade,
and on those stormy wet days,
you were that dry safe place...
I saw you as my hero..you always where so strong,
I know I get that from you,no way I could be wrong.

I look up in the sky now,in that field of weeds,
and pray to God above,that you can her my pleas.
Ill blow just one more out now,
and I will make a wish,
that I see you in heaven,
and will no longer miss.

To my Grandma Rose Casiello
I miss you more and more everyday.
<3