When Nothing Else Matters

Its really hard to explain,
this sort of pain.
But ill give it a go
,just to let you know.

It was empty and dark,
with no sign of light,
And all feeling of hope
was no where to be known.

It was lonely and silent,
no way to deny that,
without you in the world,
it no longer glowed.

I longed to hear your voice
and looked up at the sky,
and just kept on wondering,
when it would be my time.

I knew that you were gone,
but it still felt so wrong/

They told me you were dead,
and i was told all these lies.

You called me one day,
and I thanked God you were alive.

I now have you by my side,
and you always will be mine.

The Unborn

Its a sensitive subject for most,
Unspeakable to the rest.

No one ever admits to it,
And some crumble at the mention of it.

Some act like its a sport
and few feel theres no choice.

Many move on and dont give it a second thought,
And then there's the ones that carry it on their shoulders like boulders.

Some people will scold you for it,
Some tell you it was the rite thing to do.

Theres millons of unspoken excuses.
A constant battle of the brain telling you, you were rite rather then wrong.

Unspoken agony becomes a lifestyle.
Or it will be a casuality.

I dont know much about how other people feel,
Just the most accurate asumptions I can make,
Some pertain to me,
Cant say which,
Like I said its become so unspeakable, its not fair.

I honestly dont care anymore,
Think what you may
This life will never be forgotten

I love you, whoever you might have been.
You didnt get the chance to live, but you'll always live in my heart and soul.
Until my very last breath...

5-29-08

Best Friends Forever

They told me what I didn't want to hear,

The pain of it will never disappear,

The lesson was long due to be learned.

But no amount of years would have prepared me.

Time doesn't change anything,

People do.

Physical wounds heal in time

Do emotional one's work the same? 

I've had bones broken, 

Years of progressing depression

I'd have them borken again

And relive the years again

To get back that one year

Eighteen years I've lived so far

Eighteen years to get to where I am now

I had no chance to be a kid

But that year I did

Five people made that possible

And so son it was taken away

What I never thought was possible

Was torn apart

Slowly but surely 

I wouldn't accept it

But it's time

But if I had one wish

I wouldnt change anything of the past,

It made me stronger

I wouldnt wish for money

It comes and goes

I wouldnt wish for health

We all die

I wish we could call be together again

Even if it was just for one day

Just to feel like the old days

Id give anything to laugh the way I use to 

Anything to have fun the way I use to

Anything to feel reckless and stupid like I use to

Anything to feel like a kid again.

Anything for all of you.

<3

Lies

How does the mind work exactly?
Is it in the conscience that our thoughts lie?
Is it what we choose to think,
Can we lie to the point where we believe our own lies?
Does guilt make this action possible?
Or is it denial, shame?
How do you keep yourself in the know?
How do you keep yourself so confident with the truth,
When everyone else  believes a lie?
And your alone in the dark...
If the truth will set you free...then how long can you keep chained down...
Till you have to come back up for air?
What is the answer to this question...
Am I delusional?
Do I even make sense at all?
Or do all our thoughts run differently?
Am I the only one that has stayed awake at night thinking of these things...
So all in all, if you really need everyone around you to believe your lie..
does it mean lying to yourself, to make it more believable?
Throw out the truth and make it never to be found again?
I still wonder...
But am sure of my thoughts, for they are my own, and to myself they are safe.

Karma

What goes around comes around, is how the story goes.
Twice as bad, and twice as hard, is what I didnt know...

Sorrow doesnt care, and neither does your fate,
the truth of the sin, was something i just could not escape...

It came out of the blue, no warning or a clue,
Life decided, It should be no more, me and you.

My advice to all is think before you do,
cause no matter how sorry, it will come back to you.

Friends

They say 2's company and that 3 is a crowd
But we were 6...and we were proud...
We shared our thoughts,and we shared our tears,
and just years later,it all disappeared...

I remember summer mornings,
you guys were already there.
And the kiddy pool outside,
was for everyone to share,
I remember hearing wheels,
from skateboards up the ramp,
and late summer nights,
sharing ciggs out of our packs..
I remember Friday nights.when wed all go to the mall,
and wed walk in a pack,and must have still looked small.

we didn't mind the stares we got from everywhere,
all we knew was the bus,was leaving rite at ten.
I remember those long bus rides,now they seem so short.

I remember rainy says,when we wouldn't stay inside,
instead wed just run out,into those stormy skies...

I remember boys club pool,that we would just sneak in,
and even with Tye's broken bones,we made it over with grins.
They're wasn't a force in the world,that could possibly hold us down,
until the years starting passing,and I just sat there with a frown.
It started with the long fights,and heartbreaks came rite next,
and then came graduations,and it was all just a mess.

You guys are still there. And I see you from time to time
and no matter what time passes,you always will be mine...
Those memories are in my heart,until the day I die,
But I cannot stand the thought,that those times are far behind
So please keep me in your thoughts,as you always are in mine.
You guys are just the best,that's said without a doubt,
and i hope we share these memories...and more to talk about
So lets keep this plain and short,
and i love yous all inside and out!

To My Grandmother: Rose

I was sitting in a field,
with what people call weeds.
I pulled one from the ground,
and couldn't help but weep.

I pulled these for you,
in what seems not long ago.
And when I handed it over,
your face couldn't help but glow,

It wasn't just one time...
it happened quiet a few,
cause i wanted to show you,
how much i loved you...
I tried to do my best,
to make you very proud,
so you could look down on me,
with much less then a frown.


I use to look for roses,since it was your name...
but when someone was looking,
I ran away with shame...
I saw you as the big tree,
that use to bring me shade,
and on those stormy wet days,
you were that dry safe place...
I saw you as my hero..you always where so strong,
I know I get that from you,no way I could be wrong.

I look up in the sky now,in that field of weeds,
and pray to God above,that you can her my pleas.
Ill blow just one more out now,
and I will make a wish,
that I see you in heaven,
and will no longer miss.

To my Grandma Rose Casiello
I miss you more and more everyday.
<3

The Meeting

You where standing in the corner,

and I was on the floor,
and when I looked you over,

I couldn't help but stall.

You where standing there just watching,

and I was hoping that was me.

And though I kept on dancing,

over my shoulder I had to peek.

The night was almost over,

and it was to much to bare,

I went outside to cry,

and all of a sudden you where there.

I couldn't begin to explain,

that i was the one to blame,

for the heartbreak I was suffering,

and your face just added to the pain.

So I ran inside for cover,

taking each step at a time,

but when i reached the top,

I saw him and her intertwined.

It didn't help my outlook,

that I was all alone,

cause when I hit the last step,

your presence was unknown.


I sat there on the staircase,

and coudlnt help but cry,
I didnt know it then,

but you werent one to pry
.

I saw you not long after,

and there was something that had to be done,

I was taken to the white house,
and from the rooftop I saw you on.

It wasn't much long after,

that I stood there shy and pale,
but you knew what I was asking,

and took it off my hands.

Two years has come to pass now,
and not that much has changed.
Only now I can stand in front of you,

and make a cute exchange...
I know we are to young now.

.to talk about these things..
But to say the very least..

I love you just the same.

The Biggest Regret

You sit there patiently,as days go by.
And think to yourself if he even knows why...
All you know is the day will arrive,
So keep that hope and your head up high.


Weeks go by hes finally here,
Months of rejoice and its finally clear
You heart belongs to him in just less then a year.


Now here comes the road that leads to remorse
Now your lying on the ground just feeling like a corpse
Thinking that your sin was only a curse.


You've found yourself in such a body of lies
Drowning in them just trying to survive,
You ask for forgiveness and one last chance
But then you face your reality
and you almost pass.

Days go by and you finally see
Hes not coming back
Now alone you will be
You've torn yourself up
And millions of tears you have cried
But face yourself
your the one that denied.

So get back up
and go through all those times
that will remain just memories
As long as you are alive.

 Ive Done Things Wrong And Ive Done Things Rite;

Ive seen this life, in both black and white.

Ive made good choices, But most where bad;

I learned how to lie, and not feel bad.

Ive seen things happen before my eyes,

And Late At Night Id just lay there and cry.

Ive done things wrong while knowing the rite,

Ive made choices that could have ended my life.

Ive lost many people along the way,

And For that Ill never be the same.

But I know deep down that time heals pain,

And with this strength I will not stray.

Im leaving the past so far behind,

Im not looking back, theres nothing to find.

Bridges burned can be rebuilt,

My body and mind, are no longer tilt.

Im walking this path with my knoledge of life,

But If I fall down I know who'll be behind.

Im sorry for the horrible things that i have done,

Given the chance they would be undone.

For now all i ask is have patience with me,

Ive sought a new life, and now i feel free.

No longer the person that I was before,

Just sorry that it took me braking down the doors.

To all the friends i hurt, and the family that I miss,

Just give me a little time to prove myself to this.

I will no longer pretend to be a person that im not,

and if you can forgive me,it will not be forgot.

I love you all so much, and I wish I could take back,

the pain that i have caused and the things i cant take back.

I know its not that easy to forget what said and done, but pease give me this chance,

 to see what ive become.

The Greatest Love; A Mother's Love

There's this woman that I know,


She's beautiful, with an old soul


Shes strong inside and out


most amazing woman without a doubt.


She's not hard to understand


She gives it to you straight first hand.


She doesnt need to lie,


She just sometimes would deny.


Shes smart and independent


Shes just a little different


She's always thinking hard


She rarerly sleeps when theres stars.


She's had it a little rough


But life has made her tough.


Shes the strongest that I know


Shes just been broken times before.


From all of those bad choices


And promises that were broken


She's pensive and discreet,


She's the best person to meet.


Shes been through the good and bad


Shes been happy and shes been sad.


She's had a mother who adored her


But rarely ever showed it


A father who she honored


but all to soon had gone on then
Shes was just a little lady


and it happened on the daily


The things she had to witness


The hurt she had to live with.


Her brother is like a father


Shes so much very like him.


Whenever theres no sunlight,


 he is her moonlight guidance.


She also has another,


He looks so very like her


He always was the menace


at time he could replenish.


The two are her shining armor


No one could ever harm her


Ones always right beside her


And the other ones rite behind her


Then there is her sister,


shes the oldest, but shes a twister


Always there to kiss her


and tuck her in and bliss her.


She has a great family


who loves her and always miss her.


She married to a great man,


Love you couldnt break then.


They were the couple you always dreamed of


But dumb choices came between them


They had themselves a child.


And heres what I can vouch for.


She looks just like her father


The nose and eyes and smiles.


The creativity behind her


And the moments she gets louder.


She has his skills and brains


They truely are like the same.


Shes also like her mother


She also looks just like her


You have to take a moment


And look real deep inside her


She shares her knack for writing


her cooking and her striving.


Shes really like no other,


No way you could decribe her.


She truely loves her mother


She always has adored her


Shes her best friend and her guidence


Shes her teacher shes her life.

My mother your my darling,
 your the reason im still smiling
Theres no other Id prefer,
Your the mother I adore
You where always there to guide me,
 and in you i could confide thee.
We always where with each other,
 taking the paths in life before us
We went through the good and bad
and at times it made you sad,
but one thing I would take back
is the times i made you mad,
 I know that you think that
Im your prize, and just like dad.
But I promise to make you proud
 and turn that from upside down
Please dont worry about the past,
 its my guidebook, dont think to bad
It showed me how to live, how to learn, how to forgive.
I wouldnt trade you in for nothing,your the best when i feel lonely
If you cry, ill wipe your tears,
You did for me through all these years.
Thank you for all the times
when i could sit and talk and cry
you could always make me smile,
laugh through tears, and make it fine.
Theres no way to change the past
It made me strong to live like this
But I do promise you this
days of bliss you will not miss
Ill bring them back in all good time
But you always will be mine
Girls are daddys little girls
But not for me you are my world.

Fear due To The End Being Near

 If then end is coming,
Let it come soon.
I wanna be away from the sin,
thats goes on under the moon.
From the hate and the violence
and the goverment and the war,
I wanna feel peace
 and love and adored.
If He knocks on the door, then ready I will be.
Im not looking back, theres nothing left to see.
My hearts where it belongs
And I dont feel fear.
With God by my side
 theres nothing else here.
Three years ago
 I wanted to end my life
For ending another
 that could've brought me alive.
It was a darling baby who ill love forever more,
But at the time I was not ready
And that decision made me fall.
I wish nothing more than to take back the hurt and pain
That I may have caused others when I was young and vain.
Wish I would've put out the ciggarette
and put the bottle down,
But deep in my heart im not wearing a frown.
To my Father I asked forgivness and to give me another chance,
To make up for what Ive done and give me this one pass.
I love all others more than life itself,
If need be Ill be there even if its by myself.
I wish I couldve been further than what I am now,
But im glad to say that my family ive made proud.
Cause im a good person and my heart always comes first,
Forgiveness has been a given, and I feel no grudge or curse.
People please dont fret,
 if you've done something
Just make it rite, its not a lost cause.
Bad choices now could surely end your life,
Nothings worse than a grudge on your heart,
Let me tell you this, it will only make you cry.
Hates a horrible things, a body binding sin.
Whats easier than love?
Not a damn thing.
Trust is hard to come by, and this I already know,
And if you love someone then please,just let it show.
Its not hard to forgive whats already in the past,
Your not moving on if you keep on looking back.
Its holding you down
and very soon youll regret,
the time that you have missed
 and the days you cant get back.
So for now if the time is getting near,
Say your sorry and people,simply just forgive.
Do the rite thing and make your heart clean,
Because in good time things will clearly be seen.
Im not near perfect, and I still do things wrong,
But I ask for forgiveness, and learn from it all.
Lifes been great, every last second,
Its been lived and learned,
And taught me the bestest.
If someones down, Ill always help them up,
if theyre crying ill try, my best to cheer them up.
If I cant ill sit down and tell them about life
Its short and deserves to be lived in the light.
If your lonely come tell me, ill give you a friend
if your cold ill give you sun
and hungry ill give you bread.
This poems almost done, but ill say it once again.
Love all those around you, and be somebodys friend.


"It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more." -Albus Dumbledore

My Discovery

It Happens In The Morning,
And Before I sleep at night.
It Happens When There Sunshine,
Sometimes when it storms outside.
When the breeze is flowing past me,
And When theres raindrops on the ground.
When Im sitting silently,
And when theres people all around.
I think about it daily,
there never is a break.
Sometimes it makes me happy,
And at times I feel so weak.
Im where I need to be now,
And Ive thought long and good.
Ive havent found my treasure,
But I got the map in my hood.
These visions all around me,
of when im old and gray.
And children dancing by me,
From day to suntime May.
Im feeling quiet alright now,
So please dear skies dont gray.
Im trying to be happy,
No matter what comes in my way.
Ive grown out of who I was,
or who i was pretending to be.
That person in the mirror,
Is all I want to see.
So Ill wipe away my tears now,
But i will no longer fight.
These dreams that I want for me,
And the way to a good life.
The clouds will roll in one day,
and i will not need any sun.
ill look up at my life then
and see what ive become